Late November
Bo Wulf: Can I ask you about some potential Reed Blankenship nicknames?
Sydney Brown: (Laughs) Yeah.
Wulf: What do you think of Troy Polamayo?
Brown: Like, mayo?
Wulf: Like, mayonnaise.
Brown: (Laughs) Umm. I don’t know.
Wulf: You don’t think it’s gonna stick?
Brown: Troy Polamayo. I like the Polamayo. I like Polamayo. Maybe just Polamayo?
Wulf: Oh, OK. That’s good. You don’t need the Troy?
Brown: Yeah yeah.
Wulf: That’s good editing. That’s good feedback.
Wulf: I have a potential Reed Blankenship nickname.
James Bradberry: Oh yeah?
Wulf: I want to see what you think about it.
Bradberry: All right.
Wulf: Troy Polamayo.
Bradberry: Mmmmmmm. Nah. I don’t know about that one.
Wulf: You don’t like Polamayo?
Bradberry: I mean it’s a good one, but I don’t think it’s gonna stick.
Wulf: Not gonna stick?
Bradberry: Nah. We call him ‘Ghost.’
Wulf: I know! That’s why I’m trying to play into it. Something else that’s white.
Bradberry: Oh, OK.
Reed Blankenship: (Enters)
Wulf: Can I give you my nickname idea?
Blankenship: (Nods)
Wulf: Troy Polamayo.
Blankenship: (Cackles)
Bradberry: It’s hella funny.
Blankenship: I ain’t never heard that.
Bradberry: It’s kind of long, though. Too many syllables.
Wulf: Well, that was Sydney’s suggestion. Take out the Troy. Just go into it, straight Polamayo.
Bradberry: You could do that, yeah.
Blankenship: Sydney suggested that?
Wulf: Well the ‘Troy Polamayo’ is me, but he suggested getting rid of the ‘Troy,’ getting straight into it.
Blankenship: People have called me ‘The Mayo Missile.’
Bradberry: ‘Mayo Missile?’
Blankenship: ‘The Sour Cream Safety.’
Bradberry: That’s crazy.
Wulf: That’s good.
Bradberry: That’s a crazy one. ‘Mayo Missile?’
Blankenship: I know, right?
Bradberry: That’s wild. I would never wanna be called that.
Blankenship: I know! It shows up. It shows up a lot.
One month later
Wulf: Reed, if you’re in the mood, I have what I believe to be the definitive list of white safety nicknames.
Blankenship: Uh oh. How long is it gonna take?
Wulf: It’s a long list.
Blankenship: Oh boy.
Wulf: You ready? Now some of these you’ve probably heard before.
Blankenship: OK.
Wulf: Pearl Thomas.
Blankenship: Haha! Yeah.
Wulf: Brian Chalkins.
Blankenship: Yup.
Wulf: Talcum Jenkins.
Blankenship: Yes.
Wulf: I asked you about Troy Polamayo.
Blankenship: Yes.
Wulf: All right. Now we get into the new ones. Uhh, Ned Reed.
Blankenship:
Wulf: Just feels like Ned is a white guy name instead of Ed.
Blankenship: Ned Reed. I feel like Reed’s a white guy name anyway.
Wulf: That’s true. Uh, Rodney Cloud.
Avonte Maddox: Rodney McLeod!
Wulf: No, just Rodney Cloud. These are the white safety nicknames.
Maddox: Oh! That’s good.
Wulf: Uhhh, Snowman Harper. Instead of Roman Harper.
Blankenship: (Laughs) Oh my god.
Wulf: Uh, Milkah Fitzpatrick.
Blankenship: Dude, I needa get a dang shirt.
Maddox: Milkah Fitzpatrick. Milkah!
Wulf: Uh, Beluga Baker, instead of Budda Baker.
Blankenship: (Chuckles)
Maddox: He said your name Milkah.
Wulf: Uh, LaRon Blandry.
Blankenship: Oh my god.
Wulf: Uh –
Blankenship: You made these up?
Wulf: Q-tip Mikell, instead of Quintin Mikell.
Blankenship:
Wulf: Clam Chancellor.
Blankenship:
Wulf: Acreamas Williams. Donte Whitener.
Blankenship: (Laughs)
Wulf: Uh, Prince Charles Woodson.
Blankenship: Oh my gosh.
Wulf: Sean Taylor Swift.
Blankenship: Taylor Swift?!
Wulf: Uhh, Tyrann Math Teacher.
Blankenship: (Laughs)
Wulf: I like that one.
Blankenship: Oh my god.
Wulf: Uh, Eric Dairy.
Blankenship: Eric Dairy.
Wulf: Wes Copkins.
Blankenship: Oo.
Wulf: Uh, JaMall of America Adams.
Blankenship: Oh my god.
Wulf: Bob Blanders. Squaren Woodson. Ronnie Lotion. 1-800-Lawyer Milloy.
Blankenship: (Laughs politely)
Wulf: (Laughs nervously) Cod Woodson.
Blankenship: Cod.
Wulf: Uh, Devin McTennisCourty.
Blankenship: Oh my gosh.
Wulf: Uh, Land Grab Collins.
Blankenship:
Wulf: Tala-no Rhythm Hufanga.
Blankenship: That’s a long one.
Wulf: Plus you’ve actually shown your rhythm. Uh, let’s see, uh, Cornell Lake instead of Carnell Lake. That’s a bit of a stretch. Michael Glue-is.
Blankenship: Glue-is.
Wulf: Ryan Clerk. Quandre Eggs.
Blankenship: Oh my gosh.
Wulf: Let’s see. Dover Quinn. Roy Lilliams. Jordan Polar Bear instead of Poyer. That one’s a stretch.
Blankenship: Yeah.
Wulf: Keanu Nilla.
Blankenship: (Laughs)
Wulf: I think we’re close to the end. Uh, Steve Atwhiter. Eddie Stonewall Jackson. Tyrann Math Teacher we had, there’s also the Honey Booboo Badger.
Blankenship: Honey Booboo (laughs). Oh my god.
Wulf: And then, finally, John Lynch.
Blankenship: John Lynch. Hey, I’ll take that.
Wulf: Any favorites?
Blankenship: I like the Dairy one. And Quandre Eggs.
4 Comments (3 conversations)
William Amick
Eh, it was good stuff when you focused on things synonymous with the color white. When you started getting into “things perceived as a white people thing to do” started getting into racial tropes that aren’t the best for anyone. Some were just cringe-worthy.
JCZ
I don’t normally post in comment sections of articles, but I felt the need to express that I thought that parts of this article were in bad form and inappropriate, in my opinion. I understand that others may feel that I am overly sensitive given the intent/purpose of the article was humor, but I found the suggestions that black men aren’t represented as math teachers or police officers to be propagating negative racial stereotypes that are incorrect and not accurate.
I also found the lynching joke at the end of the column to be very inappropriate and also unfair to Reed Blankenship. While I am unfamiliar with journalistic standards and practices, I don’t think taking an athlete’s time on the record to seek a reaction to a lynching joke about a potential nickname for him is right. And, judging by Blakenship’s reaction of “I’ll take that”, I can’t imagine that he actually got the joke as I highly doubt that he would want to be have a nickname associated with racial lynching, even if it also references a hall of fame safety. I am curious as to the decision to print that reaction by Blankenship as either the author knows it is taken out of context (did Blankenship really understand that the author was suggesting a nickname for him that was a play on words of a hall of fame white safety combined with racial lynching by white men…and that he would really want to take it as a nickname?) or it requires much more explanation and follow-up that was not given. Again, while I am not an expert on journalistic standards, the fact that a reporter would ask for reactions to his jokes with strong racial overtones on the record to an athlete while that athlete was within earshot of his teammates seems unfair, inappropriate, and selfish for advancing an author’s personal schtick without thinking about how it may put Blankenship in an awkward position and a position where he really does not understand the context (in terms of taking the lynching nickname).
I understand that I will probably be labeled as overly sensitive (given the intent of the piece was humor) and that this comment will not be seen by many and lost in the internet comment wastelands (as it is several days after the article was published), but I did feel the need to say that I felt parts of this article were inappropriate and wrong and that it unfairly took advantage of Blankenship and placed him in a potentially difficult spot in order to advance the author’s attempt at a humorous racial narrative. While others like the author maybe found it funny, I found it wrong and inappropriate.
Kevin Greenfield
Just FYI, it wasn’t a lynching joke. John Lynch is literally a white hall of fame former safety mostly for the Bucs. He is currently the GM of the 49ers.
JCZ
Thanks, Kevin, and my mistake for reading too much into the bit. I am aware of John Lynch and who he is…but I assumed it was part of the running joke as the purpose of the article throughout was to use figurative speech for white nicknames, so I didn’t perceive the sudden switch to take the last name literally. Given that the author seemingly described some stereotypical things that white people do with the figurative speech (e.g., teach math, play tennis, land grab, etc.) as part of the joke throughout the article, I assumed the last one was also part of the figurative bit and not meant to be taken literally. My mistake for the misinterpretation and not seeing that the joke had ended before getting to the last one with John Lynch. Thanks for the clarification and my apologies for misunderstanding and misinterpreting…I guess that I need to work on my humor and understanding of nuance. Go Birds!