They say deadlines spur action, so here we are on the day of the 2026 NFL Draft presenting you with the most important story of the NFL calendar. Just in time, baby.

Thanks to Fran Duffy’s Diehard Draft Guide and Dane Brugler’s Beast for the essential treasure trove of names, beautiful names. All 344 names highlighted below are real prospects in this year’s draft.

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Most likely to have a nose where his mouth should be

1. CJ Picazo, G, Concordia, St. Paul

Weirdest theme park

1. Isaiah World, T, Oregon

Most likely to get chased by a dog

1. Riley Mahlman, T, Wisconsin

Best compliment to a spider

1. Sterling Webb, DT, Missouri

Most likely to put raisins in the chicken salad

1. Ryan Whitely, C, Saginaw Valley State

Most likely to open an auto dealership

2. Josh Celiscar, Edge, South Florida

1. Jackson Carsello, C, Northwestern

Worst pop-up ad

1. Kam Olds, Edge, Kentucky

Most likely to have been conceived at a bar

5. Evan Beerntsen, G, Northwestern

4. Monkell Goodwine, DT, South Carolina

3. Jager Burton, C, Kentucky

2. Dacari Collins, WR, Louisville

1. Makylan Pounders, T, Louisville

Rudest response to the opening line of Moby Dick

1. Ismail Mahdi, RB, Arizona

Best chance to win a Royal Rumble

18. Trent Battle, RB, TCU

17. Jax Harrington, G, Louisiana

16. Rodeo Graham Jr., RB, Southeastern Louisiana

15. Scooby Williams, LB, Texas A&M

14. Justice James, CB, Kansas State

13. Octavian Smith Jr., WR, Maryland

12. Marlon Gunn Jr., RB, East Carolina

11. Karate Brenson, WR, Wake Forest

10. Trey Smack, K, Florida

9. Rasheed Reason, CB, East Carolina

8. Danarius Hollywood, CB, Prairie View A&M

7. Matthew McDoom, CB, Cincinnati

6. Cameron Threatt, CB, Delta State

5. Justus Johnson, CB, SE Missouri State

4. VJ Payne, S, Kansas State

3. Marcellus Marshall, G, Minnesota

2. Cash Jones, RB, Georgia

1. Sonny Styles, LB, Ohio State

Best news about you and Dupree

1. Ja’Naylon Dupree, WR, Jackson State

Most interesting low-level bad guy in a sci-fi trilogy

43. Michael Mokofisi, G, Utah

42. Jez Janvier, T, Southern Miss.

41. Shiyazh Pete, T, Kentucky

40. Tamarion Crumpley, CB, UAB

39. Botros Alisandro, CB, Old Dominion

38. Weylin Lapuaho, G, BYU

37. Inumidun Ayo-Durojaiye, LB, Yale

36. Zhen Sotelo, G, Hawaii

35. Ckelby Givens, Edge, Southern

34. Bayo Kannike, G, San Diego State

33. E. Jai Mason, WR, Charlotte

32. Zion Nason, DT, Louisiana Tech

31. Kolbe Katsis, WR, Northern Arizona

30. Trond Grizzell, WR, California

29. Jernias Tafia, DT, Colorado State

28. Nahree Biggins, RB, Central Michigan

27. Dekel Crowdus, WR, Wisconsin

26. Zelmar Vedder, CB, Houston

25. Keanu Koht, Edge, Vanderbilt

24. Mahamane Moussa, G, Louisville

23. Slade Shufelt, Edge, Portland State

22. Omar Aigbedion, G, Baylor

21. Zukudo Igwenagu, Edge, UMass

20. Alani Makihele, G, UNLV

19. Aghogho Eyafe, WR, Jacksonville State

18. Junior Tuihalamaka, Edge, Notre Dame

17. Ky’ron Craggette, RB, Seton Hill

16. Dodji Dahoue, T, Eastern Michigan

15. Nyzier Fourqurean, CB, Wisconsin

14. Jimto Obidegwu, T, North Texas

13. Jimeto Obigbo, G, Arizona State

12. Qian Magwood, WR, Ball State

11. Nuer Gatkuoth, Edge, Wake Forest

10. Mackavelli Malotumau, DT, Western Kentucky

9. Tsion Nunnally, WR, Idaho State

8. Kyndrich Breedlove, CB, Arizona State

7. Chubba Maae, G, Arizona

6. Pius Odjugo, DT, Ohio

5. Zy Crisler, G, Colorado

4. Shakespeare Louis, S, Southeastern Louisiana

3. Gafa Faga, DT, San Jose State

2. Elvin Fofanah, TE, Gardner-Webb

1. Laith Marjan, K, Kansas

Biggest fan of Outback Steakhouse

1. Noe Ruelas, K, UCF

Best full sentence

11. Jordan Favors, S, Appalachian State

10. Jake Burns, G, Bowling Green

9. Walker Parks, G, Clemson

8. Caleb Downs, S, Ohio State

7. Latrelle Smith-Leaks,

6. Kyron Drones, QB, Virginia Tech

5. Malachi Fields, WR, Notre Dame

4. Race Stewart, DT, Western Michigan

3. Kendric Rhymes, RB, Tennessee State

2. Diego Pounds, T, Ole Miss

1. Robert Spears-Jennings, S, Oklahoma

Best name for a wayward drive

1. KJ Shankle, RB, East Texas A&M

Most obviously a fake name created by a kid

4. Victory David, WR, Western Colorado

3. Dan Dishman, TE, Texas-San Antonio

2. TJ Guy, Edge, Michigan

1. Jett Coolman, WR, Florida Atlantic

Most recently rejected Crayola color

1. Sincere Brown, WR, Colorado

Most likely transcription error you catch for the word “cameras” while scrolling Instagram

1. Cam Ross, WR, Virginia

Most handsome

2. Dash Luke, WR, Missouri State

1. Connor Finer, WR, Rhode Island

Worst sequel

1. Michael Jackson III, WR, Purdue

Juiciest rumor after the 8th grade dance

1. Bryan Felter, G, Rutgers

Most offputting way for Hank to describe the seasoning of his dish

1. Hank Pepper, LS, USC

Best nominative determinism

9. Noah Short, WR, Army

8. Aidan Meek, T, San Diego State

7. Sabastian Harsh, Edge, NC State

6. Jalen Huskey, S, Maryland

5. Jay Sharp, RB, West Florida

4. Jordan Smart, WR, Arkansa State

3. Jay Fair, WR, USC

2. Rashad Luckey, RB, Concord

1. Hayden Large, TE, Iowa

Most surprising skirmish

1. Chance Battle, T, Indiana (Pa.)

Most disappointing answer when you find out what Kimo’s bringing to the potluck

1. Kimo Makane’ole, G, West Virginia

Most likely father of Pollard

1. Mysonne Pollard, S, Delaware

Most likely to trick you into calling you Stephen

1. Stephen Saywahn, S, Louisiana-Monroe

Best news about Cory’s effort to crack the safe

1. Cory Godinet, G, Texas-San Antonio

Nicest thing to say to Xavier

1. Xavier Ugorji, RB, Benedictine (Kan.)

Sexiest characters in the romance novel the woman next to you on the plane is reading

13. Ravonte Blowe, Edge, Houston Christian

12. Lucas Laroche, RB, Toledo

11. Cicero Caston, S, Grambling

10. Laterrance Welch, CB, UNLV

9. Dru Polidore Jr., S, California

8. Florian Staehler, G, New Mexico State

7. Wesley Bissainthe, LB, Miami

6. Brodarius Lewis, DT, Southern Miss

5. Andre Turrentine, S, Tennessee

4. Blayne Delahoussaye, CB, Southeastern Louisiana

3. Marqui Johnson, RB, Bethune-Cookman

2. Lysander Moeolo, G, Texas State

1. Mansoor Delane, CB, LSU

Most luxurious farm

1. Solo Barnes, S, UTEP

Most likely to have third-round value

1. Larry Worth III, S, Arkansas

Worst alternative name for Pinocchio

1. Wade Woodaz, LB, Clemson

Best use of hyphenation

14. Ar’Maj Reed-Adams, G, Texas A&M

13. Javonte Graves-Billips, WR, The Citadel

12. Elijah Fuentes-Cundiff, DT, Syracuse

11. D’Arco Perkins-McAllister, CB, Louisiana-Monroe

10. Titus Mokiao-Atimalala, WR, UCLA

9. Kilinahe Mendiola-Jensen, S, Hawaii

8. Sawyer Goram-Welch, DT, Coastal Carolina

7. Clayton Powell-Lee, S, Georgia Tech

6. David Daniel-Sisavanh, S, Troy

5. Jordan Spasojevic-Moko, G, California

4. Ross Ulugalu-Maseuli, C, San Diego State

3. Jadarius Green-McKnight, S, Marshall

2. Ian Conerly-Goodly, S, Southeastern Louisiana

1. Placide Djungu-Sungu, S, Baylor

Most likely to be overheard during George of the Jungle’s job interview

1. George Sell, G, Wake Forest

Most likely to have twins

1. Reuben Fatheree II, T, Texas A&M

Happiest Dalton

1. Dalton Merryman, T, Houston

Most likely to have a happy-go-lucky son named Pierre

6. Jaxson Moi, DT, Tennessee

5. Martavius French, LB, Colorado

4. Yves Bosmans, WR, Charleston

3. David Chapeau, P, Louisville

2. Jaiden Francois, S, Duke

1. Jamel Fils-Aime, DT, Troy

Worst news for Mitchell the snowman

1. Mitchell Melton, Edge, Virginia

Most likely to be complimented for not even showing yet

1. Emmanuel Pregnon, G, Oregon

Most embarrassing day for Cannon

1. Cannon Panfiloff, T, Montana

Most likely to declare bankruptcy

1. Sione Nomani, G, San Jose State

Least likely to declare bankruptcy

1. Al’Zillion Hamilton, CB, Fresno State

Most likely to run for local office

1. D’Andre Townes-Blue, G, Jackson State

Least serious Isaiah

1. Isaiah Sillemon, G, New Mexico

Best substitute when you can’t remember the phrase “French Canadian”

1. Montriel Lee, G, Central Oklahoma

Funniest spoonerism

22. Gage Summers, LB, Akron

21. Sam Benjamin, DT, San Diego State

20. Cam Miller, CB, Rutgers

19. Hunter Peck, Edge, Montana

18. Brock Fox, G, Augustana

17. Kam Dewberry, G, Alabama

16. Tawee Walker, RB, Cincinnati

15. Jay Hardy, DT, Auburn

14. Mason Jones, T, New Mexico

13. Paul Rubelt, T, UCF

12. Trent Battle, RB, TCU

11. Sam Howard, LB, Tulane

10. Pat Coogan, C, Indiana

9. Jake Timm, C, Buffalo

8. Ben Mann, LS, Boston College

7. Cory Hall, Edge, UNLV

6. Luke Petitbon, C, Florida State

5. Tommy Rittenhouse, QB, Illinois State

4. Dan Hicks, Edge, Mercer

3. Finn Lappin, P, Kansas

2. Nick Dawkins, C, Penn State

1. Jaren Kump, C, Utah

Worst out of office message

1. Jacob Bizy, G, Florida State

Most painful injury

1. Torrie Cox Jr., CB, Illinois

Best feet

1. Boogie Trotter, CB, Marshall

Most supportive thing to yell to Willis during the whittling competition

1. Carver Willis, G, Washington

Most likely to get you mistakenly kicked out of class

4. Sidney Fugar, T, Baylor

3. Febechi Nwaiwu, G, Oklahoma

2. Blake Bustard, T, Southern Miss.

1. Jaylen Fuksa, CB, Pittsburg State

Best name for a calf

1. Myles Mooyoung, CB, Coastal Carolina

Most stubborn

1. D’yoni Hill, CB, Wisconsin

Most single-minded polar bear predator

1. Chase Whitebear, CB, Oklahoma Baptist

Most likely product of an inter-sentience marriage

1. Andrew Wilson-Lamp, CB, Toledo

Most likely to be smoked by Aaron Rodgers

1. Justin Payoute, CB, Ferris State

Most paradoxical

1. Gentle Hunt, DT, Illinois

Most likely to be Greg Bovino’s screenname

1. Chief Borders, Edge, UNLV

Oddest recap of art class

1. Drew Stevens, K, Iowa

Most likely to make a knockoff guitar

1. Wes Pahl, P, Oklahoma State

Creepiest co-worker

2. Nate Glantz, QB, Lindenwood

1. Landon Ogles, P, Eastern Washington

Most lyrical

13. Bryson Eason, Edge, Tennessee

12. Quentin Moten, CB, Northern Arizona

11. Braylon Braxton, QB, Southern Miss.

10. Xavier Tolliver, S, Houston Christian

9. Ahmari Harvey, CB, Georgia Tech

8. Cody Hardy, TE, NC State

7. Isaiah Jatta, T, BYU

6. Markel Bell, T, Miami

5. Makai McCall, Edge, NC Central

4. Kaden Wetjen, WR, Iowa

3. Amorie Morrison, Edge, UAB

2. Jonjon Vaughns, LB, UCLA

1. Mo Olowo, S, Northern Iowa

Least precocious

1. Isheem Young, S, Memphis

Most likely to be heard during a french broadcast of the 2000 World Series

1. Derik Lecaptain, LB, Minnesota

Most likely to have been your high school history teacher

1. Mister Williams, LB, San Diego State

Worst superhero

3. Jorel Liverpool, Edge, Charlotte

2. Noah Avinger, S, Utah State

1. Latrell Couchman, LB, Maine

Most likely nickname for Kevin to give himself when he’s tired of working in his dad’s office

1. Kevin Jobity Jr., DT, Syracuse

Most likely to call themselves a straight shooter

1. Frank Lee IV, Edge, Eastern Kentucky

Most likely to have the nickname “Hanson”

1. Jeffrey M’ba, DT, SMU

Worst babysitter

1. Christopher Eaton Jr., Edge, Sam Houston State

Biggest Frasier fan

1. Niles King, Edge, San Diego State

Most specific battlefield job

1. Cannon Butler, Edge, Iowa State

Most direct answer as to who these eels belong to

1. Ken Seals, QB, TCU

Coolest

1. Miles Davis, RB, Utah State

Best mode of transportation

1. Soloman Vanhorse, RB, Indiana

Weirdest way to describe time spent in the bathroom

1. Deuce Spann, WR, Pittsburgh

Busiest Friday night

3. Billy Pullen, Edge, Louisiana-Monroe

2. Maximus Pulley, S, Wofford

1. Joseph Manjack IV, WR, TCU

Most obviously created by faulty A.I.

20. Patrick Gurd, TE, Cincinnati

19. Colton Peoples, LS, Washington State

18. John Ferlmann, LS, Ohio State

17. Trenton Alan Yowe, CB, Arkansas State

16. Ty’metrius Patterson, LB, Benedict

15. Payton Zdroik, DT, Air Force

14. Caleb Junko, P, Pittsburgh

13. Benjamin Tolble, WR, Youngstown State

12. Wendol Philord, CB, Florida Atlantic

11. Var’Keyes Gumms, TE, UNLV

10. Nolan Ulm, WR, Eastern Washington

9. Xyre Wilson, WR, Valdosta State

8. Ty Pezza, WR, Brown

7. Az Williams, S, Troy

6. Jy Gilmore, CB, Georgia Tech

5. O’Mega Blake, WR, Arkansas

4. Zxavian Harris, DT, Ole Miss

3. Andrew McIlquham, LS, UNLV

2. KK Reno, LB, Southeastern Louisiana

1. Qwyn Williams, DT, Hawaii

Best name for a late-night host’s dog

1. Jimmy Kibble, WR, Georgetown

Best shorthand when looking for the password to The Beast

1. Dane Key, WR, Nebraska

Most concise instructions to the painter

1. Tanner Wall, S, BYU

Best potential Chris Bermanisms

8. Lawrence “Mad” Hattar, G, Michigan

7. Monroe Free”Fal”ling, T, Georgia

6. Bryce “You” Boettcher “Butt I did,” LB, Oregon

5. Dillon Thieneman “Square,” S, Oregon

4. Max Iheanachor “Gesundheit,” T, Arizona State

3. KC “Immaculate” Concepcion, WR, Texas A&M

2. Dariel “Haywood” Djabome, LB, Rutgers

1. Chy “Me a” Rivers, RB, Kentucky

Most likely to have a strong opinion about the best guard of all-time

7. Kobe Baynes, G, Kansas

6. Kobe Singleton, CB, Oregon State

5. Jordan Lovett, S, Kentucky

4. Kobe Paysour, WR, North Carolina

3. Kobe Stewart, Edge, Buffalo

2. Kobe Prentice, WR, Baylor

1. Michael Jordan Jr., DT, Fresno State

Rudest way to describe the congregation

2. Christian Hilborn, T, Washington State

1. Christian Hicks, Edge, Mercer

Deepest inner turmoil

1. Shakur Smalls, S, Arkansas

Strongest sense of self

1. Tommy Thomas, WR, Chadron State

Oddest new playground game

1. Chase Belcher, RB, Kennesaw State

Most quickly rejected Disney characters

5. Antavious Fish, LB, Sam Houston State

4. Coleby Hamm, RB, McNeese State

3. Anwar Sparrow, LB, Syracuse

2. Squirrel White, WR, Florida State

1. Mickey Rewolinski, G, Eastern Michigan

Best way to describe your recent stretch of happiness

1. Ben Smiley III, Edge, UConn

Most Canadian

2. Channing Canada, CB, TCU

1. Xavian Sorey Jr., LB, Arkansas

Clearest sign it’s been 23.5 years since “Hey Ma” was released

2. Cam’Ron Ransom, QB, Bethune-Cookman

1. Cam’Ron Stewart, Edge, Temple

Most fun to say

25. Jack Dingle, LB, Cincinnati

24. Scarlee Jean, T, Florida Atlantic

23. Kaufusi Pakofe, DT, BYU

22. Atticus Sappington, K, Oregon

21. Ephysians Prysock, CB, Washington

20. Gunner Maldonado, S, Kansas State

19. Fa’alili Fa’amoe, T, Wake Forest

18. Edward Bobino III, DT, Stephen F. Austin

17. Ryan Mosesso, T, UMass

16. Quindarius Dunnigan, Edge, Michigan State

15. Aneesh Vyas, DT, Washington

14. Tacario Davis, WR, Washington

13. Mana Taimani, DT, Colorado

12. Oluwaseyi Omotosho, LB, West Virginia

11. Kajiya Hollawayne, WR, Temple

10. Que McBroom, T, Louisiana-Monroe

9. Kapena Gushiken, S, Ole Miss

8. Tahj Ra-El, S, Purdue

7. David Tuihalangingie, LB, San Jose State

6. Alajujuan Sparks Jr., DT, Prairie View A&M

5. Toluwalope Ayedegbe, RB, British Columbia

4. Peseti Lapuaho, T, San Jose State

3. Kuao Peihopa, G, Hawaii

2. Pooda Walker, DT, Memphis

1. Chibuike Madu, Edge, Nigeria (IPP)

Most likely to become a lawyer

3. Council Allen, WR, Valdosta State

2. Logan Loya, WR, UCLA

1. J. Michael Sturdivant, WR, Florida

Worst drink

1. Jake Tarwater, TE, Fresno State

Most likely to be in heaven

3. Bishop Fitzgerald, S, USC

2. Brock Dieu, C, Washington State

1. Angel King, S, Weber State

Best characters in a crime novel you picked up at the airport

11. Dontay Corleone, WR, Cincinnati

10. Frankie Dunn Jr., CB, Jackson State

9. Jordan Crook, LB, Arizona State

8. Tommy Dunn Jr., DT, Kansas

7. Rocco Underwood, LS, Florida

6. Deno Wardlow, S, Charleston

5. Vito Tisdale Jr., CB, Eastern Kentucky

4. Mordecai McDaniel, S, Oklahoma State

3. Myles Slusher, S, Purdue

2. Guz Zilinskas, C, Rutgers

1. Sullivan Moon, K, Colorado Mesa

Best advice to diversify when you type “ha” too often

1. JK Moore, CB, Stephen F. Austin

Best name for an offensive lineman

1. Marcell Blocker, CB, UTEP

Worst name for an offensive lineman

1. Michael Heldman, Edge, Central Michigan

Least lucrative imposters

4. Kevin Cline, T, Boston College

3. Terrill Davis, WR, Oklahoma State

2. Matt Lauter, TE, Boise State

1. Joe Pesansky, QB, Florida International

Best fit in New England

2. Denzel Boston, WR, Washington

1. Sam Adams II, RB, Sacramento State

Worst fit in New England

1. Jordan Hudson, WR, SMU

Most likely to have a story to tell

1. Christopher Wallace Jr., S, South Alabama

Most suspenseful

1. Will Lee III, CB, Texas A&M

Most shocking revelation about KC

1. KC Eziomume, CB, Tulane