The Great White Trope: Finding a Wulf's Den nickname for Reed Blankenship

Late November

Bo Wulf: Can I ask you about some potential Reed Blankenship nicknames?

Sydney Brown: (Laughs) Yeah.

Wulf: What do you think of Troy Polamayo?

Brown: Like, mayo?

Wulf: Like, mayonnaise.

Brown: (Laughs) Umm. I don’t know.

Wulf: You don’t think it’s gonna stick?

Brown: Troy Polamayo. I like the Polamayo. I like Polamayo. Maybe just Polamayo?

Wulf: Oh, OK. That’s good. You don’t need the Troy?

Brown: Yeah yeah.

Wulf: That’s good editing. That’s good feedback.

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Wulf: I have a potential Reed Blankenship nickname.

James Bradberry: Oh yeah?

Wulf: I want to see what you think about it.

Bradberry: All right.

Wulf: Troy Polamayo.

Bradberry: Mmmmmmm. Nah. I don’t know about that one.

Wulf: You don’t like Polamayo?

Bradberry: I mean it’s a good one, but I don’t think it’s gonna stick.

Wulf: Not gonna stick?

Bradberry: Nah. We call him ‘Ghost.’

Wulf: I know! That’s why I’m trying to play into it. Something else that’s white.

Bradberry: Oh, OK.

Reed Blankenship: (Enters)

Wulf: Can I give you my nickname idea?

Blankenship: (Nods)

Wulf: Troy Polamayo.

Blankenship: (Cackles)

Bradberry: It’s hella funny.

Blankenship: I ain’t never heard that.

Bradberry: It’s kind of long, though. Too many syllables.

Wulf: Well, that was Sydney’s suggestion. Take out the Troy. Just go into it, straight Polamayo.

Bradberry: You could do that, yeah.

Blankenship: Sydney suggested that?

Wulf: Well the ‘Troy Polamayo’ is me, but he suggested getting rid of the ‘Troy,’ getting straight into it.

Blankenship: People have called me ‘The Mayo Missile.’

Bradberry: ‘Mayo Missile?’

Blankenship: ‘The Sour Cream Safety.’

Bradberry: That’s crazy.

Wulf: That’s good.

Bradberry: That’s a crazy one. ‘Mayo Missile?’

Blankenship: I know, right?

Bradberry: That’s wild. I would never wanna be called that.

Blankenship: I know! It shows up. It shows up a lot.

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One month later

Wulf: Reed, if you’re in the mood, I have what I believe to be the definitive list of white safety nicknames.

Blankenship: Uh oh. How long is it gonna take?

Wulf: It’s a long list.

Blankenship: Oh boy.

Wulf: You ready? Now some of these you’ve probably heard before.

Blankenship: OK.

Wulf: Pearl Thomas.

Blankenship: Haha! Yeah.

Wulf: Brian Chalkins.

Blankenship: Yup.

Wulf: Talcum Jenkins.

Blankenship: Yes.

Wulf: I asked you about Troy Polamayo.

Blankenship: Yes.

Wulf: All right. Now we get into the new ones. Uhh, Ned Reed.

Blankenship:

Wulf: Just feels like Ned is a white guy name instead of Ed.

Blankenship: Ned Reed. I feel like Reed’s a white guy name anyway.

Wulf: That’s true. Uh, Rodney Cloud.

Avonte Maddox: Rodney McLeod!

Wulf: No, just Rodney Cloud. These are the white safety nicknames.

Maddox: Oh! That’s good.

Wulf: Uhhh, Snowman Harper. Instead of Roman Harper.

Blankenship: (Laughs) Oh my god.

Wulf: Uh, Milkah Fitzpatrick.

Blankenship: Dude, I needa get a dang shirt.

Maddox: Milkah Fitzpatrick. Milkah!

Wulf: Uh, Beluga Baker, instead of Budda Baker.

Blankenship: (Chuckles)

Maddox: He said your name Milkah.

Wulf: Uh, LaRon Blandry.

Blankenship: Oh my god.

Wulf: Uh –

Blankenship: You made these up?

Wulf: Q-tip Mikell, instead of Quintin Mikell.

Blankenship:

Wulf: Clam Chancellor.

Blankenship:

Wulf: Acreamas Williams. Donte Whitener.

Blankenship: (Laughs)

Wulf: Uh, Prince Charles Woodson.

Blankenship: Oh my gosh.

Wulf: Sean Taylor Swift.

Blankenship: Taylor Swift?!

Wulf: Uhh, Tyrann Math Teacher.

Blankenship: (Laughs)

Wulf: I like that one.

Blankenship: Oh my god.

Wulf: Uh, Eric Dairy.

Blankenship: Eric Dairy.

Wulf: Wes Copkins.

Blankenship: Oo.

Wulf: Uh, JaMall of America Adams.

Blankenship: Oh my god.

Wulf: Bob Blanders. Squaren Woodson. Ronnie Lotion. 1-800-Lawyer Milloy.

Blankenship: (Laughs politely)

Wulf: (Laughs nervously) Cod Woodson.

Blankenship: Cod.

Wulf: Uh, Devin McTennisCourty.

Blankenship: Oh my gosh.

Wulf: Uh, Land Grab Collins.

Blankenship:

Wulf: Tala-no Rhythm Hufanga.

Blankenship: That’s a long one.

Wulf: Plus you’ve actually shown your rhythm. Uh, let’s see, uh, Cornell Lake instead of Carnell Lake. That’s a bit of a stretch. Michael Glue-is.

Blankenship: Glue-is.

Wulf: Ryan Clerk. Quandre Eggs.

Blankenship: Oh my gosh.

Wulf: Let’s see. Dover Quinn. Roy Lilliams. Jordan Polar Bear instead of Poyer. That one’s a stretch.

Blankenship: Yeah.

Wulf: Keanu Nilla.

Blankenship: (Laughs)

Wulf: I think we’re close to the end. Uh, Steve Atwhiter. Eddie Stonewall Jackson. Tyrann Math Teacher we had, there’s also the Honey Booboo Badger.

Blankenship: Honey Booboo (laughs). Oh my god.

Wulf: And then, finally, John Lynch.

Blankenship: John Lynch. Hey, I’ll take that.

Wulf: Any favorites?

Blankenship: I like the Dairy one. And Quandre Eggs.